THE ONION, OF COURSE.
You may also like
PoliticsWisconsin Primary Voters Receive ‘I Voted’ GravestonesPoliticsSenator Kelly Loeffler Asks For Prayers After Losing $3 On Single Stock Due To CoronavirusPoliticsGeorgia Governor Argues That Closing State’s Beaches An Attack On Citizens’ Fundamental Right To Get Wet ’N’ Wild
MORE FROM G/O MEDIA
READ ONGeorgia Governor Argues That Closing State’s Beaches An Attack On Citizens’ Fundamental Right To Get Wet ’N’ WildREAD ONSouthern Governors Argue Covid-19 Good Christian Virus That Wouldn’t Dare Spread During ChurchREAD ONCrazed, Quarantined Mental Health Experts Recommend Scrawling ‘Everything Will Be Okay’ In Feces On WallREAD ONBoris Johnson Released From Hospital After Defunding It, Shutting It DownSUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTERNow you can get the top stories from The Onion delivered to your inbox.SubscribeFriday 12:45PM•SEE MORE:VOL 56 ISSUE 13
WASHINGTON—Speaking at a press conference to address the growing Covid-19 pandemic, White House senior advisor Jared Kushner admonished resource-stricken states this week that they should have shown some foresight and planned ahead before joining the Union. “To any governors coming to me and saying the White House hasn’t given them what they need, I would urge them to ask why they didn’t consider these possibilities centuries ago when they first joined together into a federal republic?” said Kushner, singling out Texas’ governor in particular and questioning why the Lone Star state didn’t simply start stockpiling their own ventilators or face masks back in 1884 when they allowed the United States to annex them from Mexico.””Some of you, like Massachusetts or Virginia, have actually had several hundred years with the knowledge that our Constitution grants significant independence in resource allocation to individual states. Frankly, you could have decided way back in 1776 that this setup wasn’t for you. Instead, you impulsively formed a unified nation without even considering the consequences. I’m sorry if I don’t sympathize here.” Kushner stressed that he was tired of hearing excuses from states that didn’t begin building a respirator cache in the 18th century because they were busy with westward expansion or that modern germ theory simply had not yet been developed.
SHARE THIS STORY
GET OUR NEWSLETTER
MORE FROM THE ONION
Exhausting Every Other Way To Pass Time, Couple Begins Ranking Their LampsUh, Thanks?: Sony Has Announced That PlayStation Plus Subscribers Can Download The Movie ‘Spanglish’ For Free During The Month Of April11 AMAZING Photos Of Doug Bramowski As He Slowly Realizes His Wife Is Having An AffairTrump Overturns Presidential Limo While Touting Effectiveness Of PCP To Treat Coronavirusby TaboolaSponsored LinksYou May Like